


Fog of War Runs Deep

by fideliant



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, MMORPGs, Online Friendship, Online Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-05 10:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3116744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fideliant/pseuds/fideliant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaming is srs bsnss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Or that weird-ass AU in which the events of The Hobbit are an MMORPG and I try to sound like I know what I'm talking about, again. My apologies to anyone who's actually played one before, but that's just how the way fic works.

When Bilbo gets home from the university library, it’s nearly eight o’ clock in the evening. He enters his apartment and takes his shoes off and turns on all the lights before starting his computer up. While waiting for his computer to boot, he goes to the kitchen to fix a cup of hot tea and brings in the post.

He comes back to his running desktop and opens up a web browser, then the icon he has pinned to the taskbar. The screen goes pitch-black for a moment, then the Middle Earth logo appears, followed by music and a log-in screen with his username and password already filled in. He presses enter on his keyboard and sips his tea as the game loads.

His character is where he’d left it in the town tavern, standing next to the innkeeper NPC. The server he’s in isn’t a terribly busy one for that time of day, but there are still a fair number of players milling about the marketplace when Bilbo exits the tavern. He opens up the community market with his filters pre-set, bringing the list down to thief equipment and accessories, but the Serpent’s Sting he’s had his eye on for weeks is still sitting steep at the top of the price listings at three hundred thousand gold.

Bilbo sighs. Okay, so he’s twenty levels below the requirement to actually get round to equipping the dagger, that and it costs that much gold warns him off it. He could probably just about afford it, is the thing, only he’d have to clean his bank vault out in the process and he doesn’t know if the crazy damage multiplier on the dagger for critical hits is even worth the price. Probably, considering the bonus for sneak attacks also ignores defence, but still.

He closes the listing and goes through the rest of the current list. Nothing else being advertised is of particular interest, so he checks the loot he put on the auction house the night before, collects the gold from whatever that’s been sold, and alt-tabs out to bring up the game wiki page in the browser he has open.

When he re-enters the game, a private message box has opened at the bottom of his screen.

 

**Mithrandir [PM]: Hello there.**

 

Bilbo blinks, bemused. It’s not often that he gets private messages from anyone else in the game, let alone level 90 arch-wizards. After a moment’s hesitation, he slowly types out a message of his own in the chat box.

 

**BBTook [PM]: good evening. do i know you?**

**Mithrandir [PM]: No, not really. Can we talk for a bit?**

**BBTook [PM]: what about?**

**Mithrandir [PM]: It’d be easier to explain in party chat, got a moment? Promise it won’t take too long.**

**Mithrandir has sent you a party invite. Accept Y/N?**

 

Bilbo frowns, considering it. He’s still waiting for an email from the head librarian at the university where he works and he doesn’t have any plans to grind for gold or train up his other attributes, so he clicks on the Y and enters the party chat room.

 

**You have joined the party of Exiles of Erebor!**

**Mithrandir: Hey guys, this is the person I was telling you about.**

**BBTook: er, hello.**

 

The greeting gets a response from just over half of the party members, all of whom are significantly higher levelled than him and equipped with several impressive-looking items. They’re mostly warriors, Bilbo notices, though there are also a couple of rangers and mages, and just the lonesome priest, who is one of those who says hi back.

The other thing Bilbo quickly realises is that they’re all dwarf class, with the exception of Mithrandir, who's a hume, and him.

 

**Oakenshield: this is the hobbit?**

**Mithrandir: Yes. I did promise you one.**

**Shoot2Swill: lol hobbit. 500g says he lasts less than five minutes on our next pq**

**{Bladefail}: right on, bro**

**Oakenshield: you promised a USEFUL one. this one’s only level 50. I was under the impression that you were going to get the other thief to help us.**

**SirChopalot: I thought we needed an extra buffer tbh. like a druid or something, maybe**

**Ballinhard: Fruit’s high leveled enough to skill improved buffing, isn’t he?**

**FruitKey: yeah but that means I’d only group heal you guys 80hp per cast so I’m with Sir on this**

**Mithrandir: Took here lives in England. XShooter5x lives in Arizona, so unless you want to game at 3 in the morning, I’d stick with Took.**

**HiddenScribe: Is anyone going to bother explaining why it’s got to be a hobbit?**

**Oakenshield: there has to be someone else we can use**

**FudXe: look at the stuff he has equipped omfg**

**RoundandReady: LMAO we’re all going to die**

**SirChopalot: Hello? Are we forgetting that we need another buffer?**

**Mithrandir: Look up the ranking tables again if you want. There’s no one else who’s nearly as high-leveled as you require. You’ve got your best bet right here.**

 

Bilbo reads through the scrolling chat as quickly as he can, which isn’t easy given that there’s fifteen of them, the maximum number any one party can have, and fourteen participants are all trying to have their say at the same time. It takes a bit of playing around with the copy-paste command, but eventually he does manage to get some attention.

 

**BBTook: hello? really, really confused over here. what’s going on? why am I here?**

 

Mithrandir takes a while longer to shut everyone else up with a great deal of help from Oakenshield, the party leader, who seems to be very fond of caps lock and cusses the vast majority of them into silence. It’s surprisingly easy for Bilbo to picture a prepubescent fourteen-year-old at his computer, grinding swear words out over a keyboard with porn open in another tab.

 

**Mithrandir: Sorry. Anyway, we need your help with something. Something important that only you can do.**

**Oakenshield: so he claims anyway.**

**Mithrandir: Hush now, thanks. Took, ever heard of the Lonely Mountain?**

 

The Lonely Mountain’s one of the things Bilbo has seen come up in the detritus of chat clouds surrounding populated servers, but not something he’s ever felt the need to find out more about.

 

**BBTook: only in passing. i don’t know anything about it, really.**

**FudXe: so about that other thief, anyway…**

**Mithrandir: Fud, shut up. The Lonely Mountain is a territory in the wilderness that wasn’t part of it several patches ago. Do you know what the wilderness is?**

**volumatrix: if he doesn’t I swear I’m logging off rn**

**BBTook: i know. it’s where players can fight other players, right?**

**Mithrandir: Pretty much. There’re powerful monsters, dungeons, rare treasures, you name it. Also, you can PvP without the need for players having to agree to it. Sort of a proving ground for stronger players, so to speak.**

 

_Such as yourselves,_ Bilbo thinks but doesn’t type. It doesn’t sound like the kind of place he’d want to know about, much less go to. He’s had a far easier time farming experience points and loot around town, where the fiends are mostly at or beneath his level.

 

**BBTook: okay. what does that have to do with me?**

 

There’s a short pause, then,

 

**Mithrandir: Oakenshield shall explain.**

**Oakenshield: …**

**Mithrandir: Your quest, your show. All yours.**

 

Another pause, whence Bilbo can picture Oakenshield pouting at his computer monitor, before more text appears in the chat box.

 

**Oakenshield: the lonely mountain used to be our guild’s turf before the patch. our main headquarters, so to speak. idk what the game developers were thinking when they not only roped it into the wilderness but also dropped a superboss lair into the middle of it, but there you go. long story short, a large portion of the site has now been revamped into a underground cavern housing a level 200 ancient firedrake.**

Bilbo tabs out and searches ‘firedrake’ on the game wiki he already has open. A list of results pop up, including a bio page and several months-old forums filled with discussions on how to defeat said monster. It’s mostly complaining, though, and shared disbelief at how a monster could be so hard; nowhere seems to come close to a proper resolution on any one surefire way of fighting the beast.

 

**BBTook: shouldn’t be a problem for you lot. you’re all lv80+ anyway.**

**Shoot2Swill: we could all be lv90 and we’d still get wiped in seconds, honestly.**

**Oakenshield: that’s not the point. i know for a fact the beast has specifically been engineered to be unbeatable by usual means, but killing it is not our main objective at the moment. there’s something else much more important than that.**

**BBTook: how do you mean?**

**Oakenshield: an item of our guild’s was left behind at the lonely mountain after the patch. something very rare and very valuable. they discontinued it after 2005 so it’s likely to be one of the last few left in the game, and we need to retrieve it.**

 

Bilbo doesn’t know if he likes the sound of where this is going, but he decides to bite.

 

**BBTook: what is it?**

**Oakenshield: an arclight stone.**

 

Wiki-ing the item tells Bilbo pretty much everything Oakenshield just said — a mega-rare accessory dropped by a now-retired superboss, increases damage output by a multiplier based on the level of the user with a boost to nearly every stat, no longer acquirable as of eight years ago, and the sole recorded trade on the community market put up an asking price of fifty million gold, the maximum amount holdable by any one character.

Jesus. That’s just over three thousand pounds in actual money, Bilbo realises. No wonder Oakenshield wants it back.

 

**BBTook: why didn’t you guys just keep the stone on someone? seems safer than leaving it lying about.**

**Oakenshield: we did. the designated carrier at the time died in the lonely mountain and dropped it with everything else he was holding.**

**BBTook: and you think it's still there?**

**Oakenshield: unless if someone's fought and killed the dragon without us knowing, yes.**

**BBTook: well, i still don’t know what all this has to do with me, though. sounds like you’re going to have to kill the firedrake to get to it. can’t imagine any way i could help you.**

**Mithrandir: Actually, it’s quite possible that you’re the only one who can.**

**Oakenshield: fighting the dragon head-on would be suicide. it’d take several full parties to even stand a chance. that’s why we won’t be fighting. it’s a long shot, but also theoretically possible for a thief with high enough sneak to slip past and pick up the stone without drawing aggro.**

**HiddenScribe: Uh, the Firedrake has 100 LUK. Even a thief with 100 SNK would be detected.**

**Mithrandir: Indeed. Hence Took here.**

**BBTook: ? why me?**

**Oakenshield: there’s an exploit that can deal with that. hobbit characters only, thief class. using a potion of fortify sneak on top of the invisibility from a mysterious ring stacks, and if done right it can temporarily boost the sneak stat over 100.**

**{BladeFail}: really???**

**1993Ri: no fking way man**

 

Huh. A quick Google search of ‘hobbit sneak exploit’ and the game turns up nothing to corroborate this. When Bilbo communicates this piece of information to the chat, Oakenshield’s response is swift.

 

**Oakenshield: ofc you can’t find it anywhere online. everyone would be using it if it was as easy as that to find out about.**

**BBTook: why do you need me??? can’t you just make a hobbit character yourself and use that?**

 

This sentiment is echoed around the chat by other party members, which…Bilbo isn’t entirely pleased about, but if it gets him out of this without ruffling any feathers, then he supposes it’ll be worth the bruised pride.

The chat is called back to order not by Oakenshield, but Mithrandir, whom Bilbo is beginning to suspect is the oldest out of all of them. Figures: he’s among the highest levelled at 90 and types with impeccable grammar and punctuation — now that it’s occurred to him, Bilbo thinks he should probably be making more of an effort himself.

 

**Oakenshield: there’s been talk on the forums. those woodland chumps may be teaming up with a bunch of other guilds to fight the firedrake together, meaning we need to pull this off before they can get their shit sorted. otherwise, they’ll find the stone before we do. that cannot happen.**

**Mithrandir: That’s not the only thing. I have it on good word that there will be a patch by the end of May which overhauls the entire stat-based algorithm used to determine detection rates; in a nutshell, the exploit will not work after that. Time is of the essence. Training up a new character to level 70 is hard enough, let alone levelling the sneak skill to 100 alongside it.**

**Oakenshield: i still think we should go with the other one. we’ll just be dragged down by this noob.**

**Mithrandir: He is not a noob, he’s already level 50, and sneak isn’t too difficult to max out if our approach is sufficiently dedicated. Look, let me put it this way — you can try getting past the dragon with Took and me, or you can go with the ranger fellow, but you’ll also have to find another arch-wizard to party with, simple as that.**

**Oakenshield: you can’t be serious.**

**Mithrandir: Dead serious.**

**Oakenshield: if this whole thing goes tits up then it’s your fault.**

**Mithrandir: Everything will be fine. I have absolute faith that Took will do very well.**

 

Who is this person? Bilbo looks Mithrandir up on the rankings table, finds them very near the #1 spot with the other arch-mages, but it doesn’t explain very much. The person talks like they know Bilbo in real life, which isn’t possible because Bilbo doesn’t know anyone else who plays the game. He’s ever seen a couple of students logging into the game on library computers before, but usually just shoos them out. If he’s let it slip that he plays, it’s not to someone he consciously remembers speaking with.

 

**Oakenshield: fine. we’ll start tomorrow evening. log in at 8 pm sharp and gather in rivendell square. make sure you gear up before coming, we’ll be going pqing to grind exp for the noob. bring whatever gear or potions you have. don’t be late.**

 

Bilbo is trying to think of the best way to break the news that he doesn’t really have any more combat gear in storage that what he already has on him when the other party members start bidding each other tonight, and then they’re logging out until it’s just him and Mithrandir left in the party chat.

 

**Mithrandir: Well, I’ll see you then, Took. Have a good night!**

**Mithrandir has sent you a friend request.**

**Mithrandir is now offline.**

 

And, well. Bilbo just stares at his screen for a while longer, because what, literally _what_ in the world just happened?

 

**You have accepted Mithrandir’s friend request. Would you like to send Mithrandir a private message?**

 

He considers it, if just to ask the person who they are, but doesn’t end up sending a PM to some stranger he’s just met over the Internet. All the same, when the email Bilbo’s expecting finally does come in after he logs out, he can’t bring himself to focus entirely on his reply when he’s typing back.


	2. Chapter 2

Between pulling data together for a few lecturers at the main university campus, Bilbo has an entire morning and afternoon to mull over passing on the in-house _he did not sign up for,_ but curiosity eventually gets the better of him and he logs in to the game at five minutes past eight.

The party invite is almost instantaneous, as is the first chat message that follows after.

 

**Oakenshield: you’re late.**

 

Oh.

 

**BBTook: Sorry. I got held up.**

**Oakenshield: don’t want to hear it. we’ve been waiting for you for ages. we were supposed to get you three levels up tonight**

**Mithrandir: Oak, don’t be a dick. It hasn’t been that long. Took, welcome to the Company. ;)**

**Ballinhard: It’s a madhouse. You’ll love it here**

**1991Ri: Please tell me that’s not all he’s bringing to the PQ**

**SirChopalot: He hasn’t even got the right gear on**

 

So he hasn’t, but it’s not like Bilbo was even planning to join in until a few minutes ago. It takes navigating to his character menu and a few clicks to shuffle about his armour and accessories until his character is fully equipped.

 

**BBTook: Okay, now what?**

**Oakenshield: you haven’t got the right gear yet.**

**BBTook: This is all the equipment I’ve got. Sorry.**

**Oakenshield: you’ve got to be joking**

**Oakenshield: what’s your stat spread?**

**BBTook: Stat spread?**

**Oakenshield: jesus.**

**Ballinhard: Took, could you tell us what your highest attributes are?**

**BBTook: Er. 52 sneak, 58 dexterity, 45 fishing.**

**FudXe: lmfao**

**Oakenshield: jesus god**

**Oakenshield: don’t you have any investment in combat attributes?**

**BBTook: I have 30 strength, if that’s what you mean.**

**Oakenshield: M, this is not going to fking work.**

**Mithrandir: We’ve been over this a hundred times before. You need him.**

 

Hold on, Bilbo types out hastily, because he’s been in situations similar to this before and is all too familiar with things ending in him being talked over completely. Being a short-ish person in real life doesn’t help, but it’s as good a thing as any that it’s very possible he’s older than some of the other party members, potentially even Oakenshield himself.

 

**BBTook: I want to know why I should help you. You keep on saying that you need me but it’s not like I’m under any obligation to do this for you. So, come on. What’s in it for me?**

 

The chat stops scrolling long enough for Bilbo to start wondering if he should have tried to think of a better way to phrase what he’d just said, but then Oakenshield’s reply appears in the chat box.

 

**Oakenshield: two hundred pounds each. that’s what’s in it for everyone if we manage to do this. the real-time value of the stone, split evenly among the fifteen of us. and there’s also still a whole bunch of loot and rares where the dragon is. the hobbit takes whatever he can carry and we’ll split the proceeds from that too.**

**Mithrandir: I shan’t want any of that, thanks.**

**Oakenshield: fine**

**Oakenshield: the hobbit can have your share, then**

 

Okay, then. Bilbo bites his lower lip, because it’s not like he desperately needs an extra four hundred pounds — the university pays decently enough, though things could definitely be better — but on the other hand it’s not an amount he’d mind having, if just to help cover his bills for the next month while he pays off the remainder of his student loan. Plus he actually does like playing; he can’t deny it’d be nice to get paid for that.

 

**BBTook: How do I know I can hold you to that?**

**Oakenshield: you don’t. you’ll have to trust that I’m as good as my word.**

 

It’s not a terribly reassuring answer. Oakenshield’s either the world’s most straightfaced liar or running a particularly long-winded scam, and barring all that he’s no fourteen-year-old if he has that much money to fling around. At any rate, Bilbo isn’t sure if he wants to commit to getting wrapped up in whatever he has planned.

Only — despite himself, Bilbo’s thinking about it a lot more than he should. Now that he’s reached level 50 it’ll take ages to get to 60 the same way he’s been doing it since he started playing, and Bilbo doesn’t want to be stuck farming skill points from low-level mobs for all of another month. He can’t grind EXP at an effective rate either, given his items, at least not without help.

And unlikeable dick as Oakenshield may be, it takes some skill to reach level 90, considering the latest expansion has only been out for a few weeks and the previous one was level-capped at 75.

 

**BBTook: You said end of May, so that’s two more months, right?**

**Mithrandir: Ideally.**

**BBTook: Okay. I’m in.**

***

The party quest… does not go swimmingly.

The dungeon Oakenshield has chosen is almost master-level difficulty, normally accessible only to players who are level 70 and above, or — as it turns out — parties with an average level of 75. Bilbo’s the only one who's below that, which leads to him being relegated to the rear of the party as they enter the zone, right next to the priest.

 

**Oakenshield: i’m assigning zones for you lot to clear in groups. there’ll be about five mobs per zone guarding the key fragments. don’t care how you do it, just clear them out. i want to down the dungeon boss in half an hour, max.**

**Shoot2Swill: half an hour? it usually takes longer than that, uncle.**

 

So Oakenshield’s old enough to have nephews. Bilbo can’t suppress a wry smile at this information.

 

**Oakenshield: like i said, don’t care. just get it done.**

 

They’re quickly grouped up, and many of the party members fall silent as they split off into their own group chats. As the party dwindles down to the final members, Bilbo is the last to be assigned to a party, grouping up with FruitKey, a level 78 priest, and, of all people, Oakenshield.

 

**FudXe: hey you sure you guys will be okay??**

**Oakenshield: we’ll manage. the noob won’t get as much EXP if too many people come along anyway.**

**Mithrandir: Stop calling him that.**

**Oakenshield: anyway, here’s the ring.**

**You have received 1x Mysterious Ring from Oakenshield!**

**Oakenshield: i assume you’ve got your consumables ready, took.**

**BBTook: Oh, I don’t have all that much, as it happens. Never really needed to stockpile them.**

**Oakenshield: what do you have on you?**

 

Bilbo lists out the contents of his inventory and almost immediately wishes he hadn’t.

 

**Oakenshield: wtf why do you even bother playing this game?**

**You have received 5x Healing Salve from Oakenshield!**

**You have received 5x Thrice-Purified Well Water from Oakenshield!**

**You have received 5x Savoury Cockatrice Fillet from Oakenshield!**

**Oakenshield: there. now just use the ring when the battles start and hide somewhere until we deal with the mobs.**

**Oakenshield: and don’t die.**

 

Easier said than done. They spawn shortly after the map loads, and his luck being what it is, Bilbo ends up at the forefront of the party, positioned right in front of the first of the mobs. He barely has time to open his combat user interface before the mobs’ point target acquisitioning locks onto his avatar, all three of them at once.

 

**The Granite Golem lashes out! BBTook takes 127 damage!**

**BBTook has fallen!**

**Oakenshield: WTF**

**BBTook: Sorry!**

**BBTook: Everything happened too fast, I couldn’t react in time.**

**Oakenshield: you have got to be fking kidding me**

**Oakenshield: it takes literally half a second to activate invisibility**

**BBTook: I was going to! But it takes time to select the command from the action menu.**

 

There’s no response for a while as Oakenshield performs a taunt to draw aggro from the fiends, luring them to the far corner of the room and giving the priest space to start channelling a resurrection spell.

 

**Oakenshield: action menu???**

**Oakenshield: you mean you haven’t macroed your commands?**

**BBTook: Um. No?**

**Oakenshield: omfg**

**FruitKey: = =**

 

It takes another thirty seconds for Bilbo to be revived, after which Oakenshield draws the fiends back to the vicinity of their group and uses an attack speed consumable to mow them down, awarding their group with a decent amount of EXP. As Oakenshield is already level 90, the maximum level attainable in the game’s current expansion, the points are divided up between FruitKey and Bilbo, who’s just within range to leech his share.

 

**Oakenshield: how the fk can you not know how to macro commands???**

**BBTook: I never needed to! I mean, I don’t fight fiends this hard, I’m more used to more relaxed combat, that’s all.**

**Oakenshield: …**

**FruitKey: I could just stay with him throughout, if that’s easier.**

**Oakenshield: you’ll have to. idt he’ll make it through otherwise.**

**BBTook: Look, I’m invisible now, okay? And I’m sorry I died so quickly. I won’t do any more fighting if you don’t want me to.**

**Oakenshield: we won’t. just make sure you’re within exp range and stay out of our way.**

 

Bilbo doesn’t quite know how to respond to this, because on top of apologising for dying, of all things, it really wasn’t his fault in the first place. Not entirely, at least. He wonders if he should bother trying to say anything else, but then Oakenshield and FruitKey are already moving on to the following zone, and Bilbo follows.

They get through the next two chambers without much difficulty, although FruitKey has to assist with the fourth, where there’s a lengthy tussle crowd-controlling the mob of witch doctors present until he manages to fully re-buff himself and Oakenshield, who quickly picks off the fiends before they can start throwing out malediction spells again. Bilbo hangs back at the mouth of the chamber, invisible, and watches on as the battle continues.

Well, _slaughter’s_ more the word for it. Oakenshield’s the equivalent of a one-man army, hitting hard and fast once he gets close enough to dole out damage. Bilbo’s not sure what the critical hit damage modifier on his weapon is, but whenever it procs it’s almost enough to oneshot a single enemy. It’s almost frightening to watch — it makes Bilbo shudder to think what it’d be like for anyone to PvP with him.

 

**Oakenshield: everyone’s already done. they’re waiting for us up ahead at the entrance to the boss’s lair.**

**FruitKey: H’toke has an AoE nuke that he uses quite often. Took, be careful. It’s possible you may get hit even if you’re invisible.**

**Oakenshield: got that? use invisiblity and stay back until we’re about to kill him.**

**BBTook: What if he gets too close to me?**

**Oakenshield: that would mean that the rest of us are dead and this will have been a wasted run. point being, that’s not going to happen unless you run to him, which shouldn’t happen either. if you think you can manage that much.**

 

Bilbo’s face heats. Oakenshield clearly has it in his head that Bilbo had somehow planned to die on them, which wasn’t at all what happened. Normally Bilbo’s quick enough to react in fights — thieves generally have to be — and it had just been that one instance where there wasn’t any time at all.

Nonetheless, they regroup with the other twelve party members a short distance ahead in an antechamber, where they piece the key to the boss’s lair together and start applying their buffs. Bilbo breaks invisibility and activates it again to refresh its duration. In the meantime, Oakenshield uses the key to unseal the runic slab barricading the entrance.

 

**Oakenshield: go!!**

 

The boss ( _Goblin King H’toke,_ Bilbo’s cursor supplies) is barely in view when the whole party save Bilbo spills into the lair. Almost immediately, the chat menu fills up with dozens of action commands that Bilbo only manages to skim before more scroll up to take their place.

 

**Oakenshield uses Warcry! Goblin King H’toke’s DEF is lowered!**

**FudXe uses a Griseous Hourglass! Goblin King H’toke’s SPD is lowered!**

**FruitKey casts Tempering Gale! The party’s SPD is increased!**

**Mithrandir casts Nova! Goblin King H’toke takes 158 damage!**

**SirChopalot uses Dragon Rush! It fails to stagger Goblin King H’toke!**

**Goblin King H’toke readies Miasmatic Smoke! He’s starting to swell in size!**

**Goblin King H’toke casts Imperil! The party’s MDF is lowered!**

**Goblin King H’toke uses Miasmatic Smoke! The party takes 105 damage!**

**Shoot2Swill uses Swarmstrike! Goblin King H’toke takes 67 damage and has been poisoned!**

**{BladeFail} lashes out! Critical hit! Golbin King H’toke takes 134 damage!**

 

There are too many action commands to read through, so Bilbo doesn’t bother. The party engages the boss in the centre of the room, leaving Bilbo free to hug the wall and make his way inside safely. He skirts around the periphery of the battle, moving close enough to be re-buffed by the priest and mages, but keeping his distance to avoid getting hit by the boss, who starts to raise mobs after the party does half of its total health in damage. Twenty minutes later, the boss is very nearly dead, by which time six of the fourteen players have fallen and the rest are fighting on worryingly low health.

 

**FruitKey: I’m reviving Blade once resurrection’s off cooldown, yeah?**

**Oakenshield: leave him. the fewer people we have alive the more exp the hobbit gets.**

**Shoot2Swill: idk if we have enough physical dps without fili, uncle.**

**Ballinhard: He has a point.**

**Oakenshield: we don’t need him. keep stacking deprotect on the boss and the dps we have now will be more than enough.**

 

Blunt as Oakenshield may be, he turns out to be right. It’s another fifteen minutes of chipping away at the dungeon boss, during which four more party members fall, before Goblin King H’toke lets out a screech and segues into a lengthy death sequence. Bilbo totters his character avatar closer as the boss goes down, now that it’s safe to do so, and receives a chunk of the total experience points awarded.

 

**Goblin King H’toke has fallen! The party receives 2,756 EXP!**

**Goblin King H’toke drops a Goblin Skull!**

**Goblin King H’toke drops a Shaman’s Armguard!**

**Goblin King H’toke drops a Lump of Putrid Flesh!**

 

There is scarcely any time to celebrate, though, as an exit portal opens and the zone timer starts counting down.

 

**Oakenshield: too slow. we’ll go again in 5. the hobbit will have to reach level 53 by tonight and at the rate we’re going none of us will be getting any sleep.**

 

Bilbo looks at his clock. It’s almost nine, and he usually has to leave the flat by eight in the morning to get to the university on time for work. While his EXP bar is considerably fuller, he’s still a ways away from reaching level 51, let alone 53.

 

**BBTook: I have to get to bed by half-past midnight. 1 am, latest. Sorry, have work tomorrow.**

 

As soon as he hits enter, Bilbo braces himself for the rebuke. He lets out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding when Oakenshield’s reply appears in the chat box.

 

**Oakenshield: fine. 52. but we make up for it on the weekend, no excuses.**

 

That’s… oddly reasonable, considering what Bilbo’s seen of the guy. He goes through a number of replies in his head before finally typing out —

 

**BBTook: Thanks for understanding. I really appreciate it.**

 

Though Oakenshield makes no sign of acknowledgement, he doesn’t seem to grumble as much as he should when Bilbo takes a bit too long getting his dinner out of the microwave.


	3. Chapter 3

The weeks pass in a haze of assorted party quests and power levelling. Whenever Bilbo signs in to the game at eight every night, Oakenshield is there waiting for him with the party formed and ready to go. They don’t always run with the full lineup; sometimes two or three regular members are missing from their roster, and those nights Oakenshield’s mood is often more sour than usual. Otherwise, they clear dungeons and party quests as quickly as they can, and by the time they’ve finished playing by the end of the second week Bilbo’s character is very nearly level 60.

It’s incredible progress, considering Bilbo would’ve had a real job on his hands getting to where he is now within a month on his own, let alone finding a party to clear the level 60 advancement quest with. And all the extra loot doesn’t hurt his wallet in the slightest, as is the case with whatever new equipment the party offloads onto him whenever they get drops from the many dungeon runs they complete.

 

**Oakenshield: right, we’ve got saturday and sunday to get through the break quest and get the hobbit to 63 at least. we made pretty good ground the last couple of days but i don’t want to see anyone getting complacent.**

**Mithrandir [PM]: He means good job, Took.**

**BBTook [PM]: Really? Never would’ve guessed it.**

**Mithrandir [PM]: Well, good job nonetheless. Noticed you helping to stack slow on the boss back there. That’s not half bad, objectively speaking.**

**BBTook [PM]: Just doing what I can. Probably didn’t help all that much anyway.**

 

But Bilbo _has_ been getting better at the game since he started playing with Oakenshield and company, objectively speaking. Better than he was before, at any rate. At least he’s now using skills with purposeful intent rather than for the sake of doing something, and just the other day he looked up an advanced game mechanic guide for increasing the efficiency of damage output for thieves and actually managed to understand some of it. He hasn’t had the chance to try it out yet, but there are at least a dozen dungeon runs slated to take place over the weekend — he thinks he’ll probably be able to squeeze it in somewhere.

 

**Oakenshield: i want full strength for tomorrow. 2pm in the market square. someone text balin so he knows what’s going on.**

**SirChopalot: On it.**

**Oakenshield: you can all go now.**

 

One by one, the party members leave the group, their in-game icons fading to grey as they log out of the game. Mithrandir is one of the last to go, leaving just Oakenshield and Bilbo remaining in the group. Bilbo hesitates for a few seconds before he’s slowly typing out a farewell.

 

**BBTook: Goodnight, Oakenshield. I’ll see you tomorrow.**

 

There’s no immediate reply, but neither does Oakenshield leave or disband the group. Bilbo lets out a sigh. He’s wondering why he even bothers being cordial with Oakenshield when a new message appears in the chat box.

 

**Oakenshield: goodnight, took. see you.**

**Oakenshield has left the party.**

 

Bilbo looks at the words and can’t quite keep back a grin as he logs off as well.

 

***

 

A couple of party members hit level 85 on Sunday, at which point someone suggests they do the level advancement quest after they’ve just finished carrying Bilbo through the level 60 one. Nobody’s in any rush to get to level 90, but Oakenshield quickly gets it in his head that it’s yet another prime opportunity to farm even more EXP for Bilbo, who’s already on track to reaching level 75 where his sneak stat will be maxed out, but the faster they get there the better.

 

**Oakenshield: you’ll have to do it eventually, anyway. we may as well clear it now rather than later.**

 

Bilbo sees two problems with this: firstly, which a few others have already pointed out, that Mithrandir, their main magic damage dealer, is not playing with them, and secondly, the level 85 advancement quest is notoriously difficult even for a full party of level 80’s. The level 120 boss at the end is no elder firedrake, but from the information Bilbo’s obtained from the online forums, getting wiped a few times isn’t totally out of the question.

 

**FudXe: i’m not sure if we have enough burst damage without M, just saying.**

**Oakenshield: screw M. we’ve done level breaks without him before and we can do it again.**

 

Bilbo doesn’t get the feeling that the entire party is convinced by this, but nobody appears to want to pick up the argument from there. Seems to be the case for whenever Mithrandir isn’t there with them — more often than not, Oakenshield usually gets what he wants without much resistance from the rest.

The level 85 advancement quest is located in a iron mine just a stone’s throw from the edge of the wilderness. Getting there isn’t as difficult as Bilbo expects, but then again not every level 60-ish thief parties with a full squad of level 80s and above. They do get requests for PvP from a few other parties roaming about in the vicinity; Oakenshield turns them down, of course.

 

**Oakenshield: right, this shouldn’t be too difficult, if i remember correctly. no one fucks up, we get it done in an hour and a half, two tops.**

 

They gather in front of the mine shaft as Oakenshield activates the NPC at the entrance, and the quest loads.

There are four groups of mobs in the first zone that start to engage the first few party members once they have spawned. Bilbo taps his hotkey for the Mysterious Ring, rendering his character invisible, and dodges out of the way to hug the cave wall as the rest of the party deals with the mobs. By the time they have cleared the mobs from the first room, several party members have just half their health left.

 

**{Bladefail}: i don’t know about this, uncle. looks like they’ve changed some things since the last patch.**

**Oakenshield: we’ll just have to be more careful. patches don’t often change the content of quests too drastically, the mobs will probably be slightly harder, that’s all.**

Unlike previous level advancement quest for Bilbo’s character, which involved clearing several dungeons across the world map in quick succession, the level 85 one is pretty straightforward, comprising a series of tunnels and rooms packed to the brim with mobs. A couple of them have truesight, which they discover after Bilbo runs ahead to scout and gets himself killed just the once. They’re much more cautious after that, sending their tanks first before the mobs become too difficult to handle individually, after which party members begin to fall in every fight and Bilbo assumes the role of secondary healer, popping from dead ally to dead ally with an inventory of consumables to revive them with.

 

**1991Ri: Guess that’s our two hour run gone, huh?**

**Oakenshield: it’s fine. there’s no time limit to finish it and took’s getting some good exp.**

 

That is rather true. The higher-level mobs have been giving out exponentially more experience points than anything they’ve fought of late. As it happens, Bilbo’s actually not too far off from reaching level 66.

The next chamber they come to, however, is completely empty save for a large stone slab blocking what should be an open pathway ahead. There is also a arch curving over the slab with runes etched into it, and when Oakenshield approaches after they’ve made sure there are no mobs lurking about, he swears in the party chat.

 

**Oakenshield: this wasn’t here the last time round.**

**{Bladefail}: what is it?**

 

An interactive symbol appears next to Bilbo’s cursor when he moves it over the arch, inviting him to double click. Glowing words scroll across his computer screen.

 

_A box without hinges, key, or lid,  
_ _Yet golden treasure inside is hid._

_What am I?_

 

**FruitKey: It’s a riddle. There’s no way through unless we answer it.**

**Shoot2Swill: oh wtf**

**RoundandReady: couldn’t someone just google whatever the answer is?**

**Ballinhard: This wasn’t on the official quest guide. I seriously doubt you’ll get anything.**

**FudXe: if it’s treasure then it’s got to be something valuable. maybe a rare drop of some sort?**

**{Bladefail}: it says that it’s inside something, whatever that means.**

**RoundandReady: how the fuck does a box not have a lid**

**FruitKey: A magic box. Has to be.**

**BBTook: Egg.**

**Oakenshield: ?**

**BBtook: That’s the answer. An egg.**

 

It’s not a particularly difficult riddle, but all the same Bilbo feels proud of himself for figuring it out before anyone else.

 

**BBTook: Think about it. The shell contains the yolk, which is yellow, or ‘golden’, whatever, and it has no hinge, key or lid. You have to crack it open to get inside.**

 

Several party members concur immediately, though someone chips in with a bit about the white of an egg, but then the runes on the arch light up and disappear, and the stone slab rises out of the way.

 

**Oakenshield: took was right. let’s move on, quick.**

“Thanks for figuring it out, Took,” Bilbo murmurs under his breath as they pour through the entrance created. Would it kill a man to say thanks every now and then?

The next rooms are very much similar to the first few. The mobs are beginning to pose quite the threat, as the libra-scope Bilbo bought before coming informs him. There is now always at least one level 100 mini-boss within each room that hits particularly heavily; that and the fact that they also have to deal with spawns of level 80 minions leaves very little room for Bilbo to ghost about without getting hit by an area of effect attack every couple seconds.

 

**BBTook: I’m down.**

**Oakenshield: wtf you were supposed to stay back**

**BBTook: I was! They’re casting loads of Earthshakes, if you haven’t noticed. Tell everyone else to stop kiting the elder titan towards me.**

**Oakenshield: stay further back, then. i’m not asking you to get all close and personal.**

**BBTook: If I do then I won’t get any EXP. I thought that was sort of the point of bringing me along.**

 

There’s no reply as Oakenshield ploughs through a group of three sand ghouls and retreats to regenerate his stamina. Meanwhile, the priest, who successfully revives Bilbo, goes down to a ranged attack from the mini-boss across the room. Two other party members raise defensive wards to keep the mobs back for the time being, allowing Bilbo to sneak more phoenix feathers to fallen warriors.

Ten minutes later, at full strength, they defeat the mini-boss and hang back in the cleared chamber to reapply their buffs. The adjoining room, however, is sealed with a familiar-looking stone slab and accompanying archway.

 

_Weight in my belly._  
 _Trees on my back.  
_ _Nails in my ribs.  
_ _Feet I do lack._

_What am I?_

 

Bilbo can just about hear the collective groan that passes through the group chat at yet another riddle to solve. There are about as many plausible suggestions as the first time they did this, which isn’t very much at all, before Bilbo finishes racking his brain and manages to come up with something that’s not entirely ridiculous.

 

**BBTook: I’m thinking that it could be a ship? The weight’s the cargo, trees are what ships are made of, the wood’s held together by nails, and it just looks like someone really wanted the last sentence to rhyme is all.**

 

He proves to be right, which actually does earn him some commendation this time round. Beyond the barrier is a safe room with a number of treasure chests that Oakenshield empties out and splits whatever consumables there are. Strangely enough, there are no more mobs in the succeeding rooms, though the hallway starts to stretch out, which Oakenshield warns is indicative of them approaching the dungeon boss’s chamber, and ends in yet another passageway blocked off by a riddle-sealed slab.

 

_Until I am measured, I am not known.  
_ _Yet how you miss me, when I have flown._

_What am I?_

 

**Oakenshield: this should be the last one. took, got any ideas?**

**BBTook: It’s a toughie. Let me think a while.**

**1991Ri: Heads up, we’ve got incoming.**

 

Bilbo activates his Mysterious Ring just in time to go invisible as close to a dozen shades slink out of the shadows and surround their party. While they’re only level 70, it becomes clear very quickly that it’s a losing battle. Shades deal damage as a percentage of total health, which render their tankiest characters little more than useless, and have far too much magic resistance for offensive magic to do anything. Even Oakenshield can’t kill the shades fast enough to keep up with how fast they’re spawning, and within minutes half of their party has fallen to the swarm, their corpses far beyond the range of resurrective spells and consumables.

 

**Shoot2Swill: shit, there’s no end to them.**

**Ballinhard: I’m nearly out of mana. I’ll be able to hold for a few more minutes but that’s it.**

**SirChopalot: We need to get to the next room NOW.**

**RoundandReady: any time now, took.**

 

_I’m thinking, I’m thinking,_ Bilbo types frantically, but he’s got nothing as he watches another party member go down, and this… this is not good at all, and at this rate they’re not going to make it, and they were so close to getting this done, if only he just had more _time_ —

“Oh,” Bilbo whispers, and he could just about kick himself. Obviously.

He clicks the arch to open up the answer box, keys in the answer — TIME — and hits enter.

Almost immediately, every last shade that has cornered whatever remains of their party disappears as the stone slab grinds out of the way. Bilbo hadn’t even realised his palms were sweating; he wipes them on the seat of his trousers before he gets to helping with reviving their dead, which includes one — oddly quiet, for some reason — Oakenshield.

 

**Oakenshield [PM]: was that you? did you figure it out?**

**BBTook [PM]: Yeah. Time, the answer was.**

**Oakenshield [P]: impressive. that was some quick thinking there.**

 

Bilbo feels his face flush. It’s the first time Oakenshield’s spoken with him using the private messaging function in-game. Come to think of it, it’s also the first time he’s heard anything out of Oakenshield that comes closest to resembling a compliment.

 

**BBTook [PM]: Should’ve thought of it a lot sooner. I used to write riddles for the pub trivia club in uni when I had the time.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: nonetheless. we would have been slaughtered if it weren’t for you. hell, we probably wouldn’t have gotten this far.**

**BBTook [PM]: Is that a thank you? If so, you’re welcome, but if not, then you’re still welcome anyways.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: a sharp mind and smart mouth don’t really make for a good combination, you know.**

 

Bilbo has a little chuckle to himself over that. So Oakenshield’s capable of humour after all; good to know, he supposes.

 

**BBTook [PM]: Uh, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’re currently standing in an empty room that says you’re wrong.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: yes, well. don’t get too full of yourself. there’s still the dungeon boss left and throwing riddle answers at him won’t get us very far.**

**BBTook [PM]: No? That’s a shame. And here I was thinking I was on to something. New gamebreaking meta and stuff, riddle answers.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you really do have one bloody smart mouth, took.**

**BBTook [PM]: ^_^**

 

Gripped by a sudden impulse of daring, Bilbo contemplates what he's about to do very, very carefully.

Oh, why the hell not?

 

**BBTook [PM]: You can call me Bilbo, actually. As in, that’s my real name, so, yeah.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: bilbo b. sounds like someone’s parents are fond of alliteration.**

**BBTook [PM]: Oi, watch it.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: well, since you’ve told me yours, i guess the least i could do is the same. it’s thorin.**

**BBTook [PM]: Thorin Oakenshield? Doesn’t exactly flow off the tongue, does it?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you watch it.**

**BBTook [PM]: No, you.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: cock.**

**BBTook [PM]: Bollocks, arse, shite, piss and tits. XD**

**Oakenshield [PM]: good god.**

 

When they finally do enter the last chamber to fight the dungeon boss, Bilbo’s grinning so much he very nearly forgets to go invisible. Oakenshield — _Thorin,_ he mentally amends — scolds him for it, of course, but Bilbo’s still smiling as he apologises and taps his hotkey.


	4. Chapter 4

Come week three, Bilbo reaches a high enough level that he no longer has to skulk about all the time, invisible, whenever they go on quests together. It helps that he doesn’t take just two hits to die anymore thanks to Thorin, who not only has an absurdly high smithing stat and makes tabards with incredible bonuses, but also a crafting level that accessorisers would probably kill for. Bilbo still can’t tank hits from mobs level 80 and above, but that’s not his role in the party anyway — after a while, he becomes accustomed with an assassin-type strategy, striking with poisoned knives and throwing weapons and then melding back into the shadows before he can take damage. He still doesn’t hit as hard as the rest of the party and doesn’t really expect to, ever, but it remains a satisfying style of play regardless.

When Bilbo makes it to level 65 by the end of April, Thorin expresses his satisfaction with all the hard work everyone’s put in, so good job on that, they’ll take the weekend and a few days off of their grinding regimen, but don’t get too comfortable because it’s back to dungeon runs once May rolls around. Bilbo, for one, is thankful for the break. Between work and gaming he hasn’t had the time to go out very much at all, so he decides to make the most of Saturday, spending the morning at the British Museum and the afternoon trawling through record stores and tea shops about the Soho neighbourhood, and in the evening he meets up with Hamfast Gamgee, the university library caretaker, to grab a curry for dinner.

His schedule for Sunday is a bit more flexible — he wakes up not quite sure what he wants to do with himself, considers going for a run later in the day, but ends up logging on to Middle Earth shortly after he wakes up. He doesn’t intend to play, because he’s not expecting anyone to be online, but if anything he can check the loot he put up for auction on Friday night, and then maybe he’ll have that run if he’s in the mood for it.

When he sees that Thorin’s online, however, he reconsiders.

 

**BBTook [PM]: Hi.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: hi.**

**BBTook [PM]: You know, when you told us to take a break, I was assuming you were including yourself as well.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you’re online too, aren’t you?**

**BBTook [PM]: Just to check if I’ve made any more gold off my auctions. That Serpent’s Sting isn’t going to buy itself, you know. What’re you doing now?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: restocking shrouds. dwalin’s only got four aegis smokes left and his magic resistance is shit without them.**

**BBTook [PM]: Those don’t stock in very often, do they?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: it’s not too bad. i’ve gotten two in the last hour. could’ve been three but someone else made off with the last one i saw.**

**BBTook [PM]: Oh, that’s too bad. Couldn’t you just bulk buy them from the community market?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: if i wanted to pay ten times more per shroud, then yes.**

**BBTook [PM]: Ouch. That makes sense, then. It just seems like a lot of effort, that’s all.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: that’s just how restocking is.**

 

Bilbo alt-tabs out to check the time on his computer and finds that it’s a quarter to ten. He’s already had breakfast, and can’t exactly spend the three hours before lunch running, so he brings up his user interface and clicks on the button to create a new party.

 

**You have sent a party invite to Oakenshield.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: …what.**

**BBTook [PM]: Come on, there’s a dungeon in Isengard I’ve always wanted to clear.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: wait, don’t tell me.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: tower of orthanc?**

**BBTook [PM]: Hey, yeah! That’s the one.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you do realise that the recommended minimum level for that is 55.**

**BBTook [PM]: So it should be a piece of cake for the two of us, then.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you can’t be serious.**

**BBTook [PM]: Why not?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you want me to miss out on shrouds to go spelunking about a dungeon built for scrubs, is what you’re asking me right now.**

**BBTook [PM]: Pretty much.**

**Oakenshield has joined your party!**

**Oakenshield: fine. but if we’re going to do this, we’ll do it right.**

**Oakenshield: have you got skype?**

**BBTook: Yes, but I don’t use it very much. Why?**

**Oakenshield: we’ll use voice chat to get through the dungeon. it’ll be quicker that way.**

**BBTook: Oh, okay.**

**Oakenshield: what’s your number?**

 

Bilbo already is five digits in when he stops himself to have a good long think about it. Okay, so it’s not the best idea he’s ever come up with, relaying information like that to someone he hasn’t even met yet, but… in a tenuous sort of way, he does _know_ Thorin, even if he doesn’t know all that much about the guy apart from the fact that they play the same game.

That’s not too weird, is it? Trading phone numbers like this; people do it over the internet all the time, and it's not like he's handing over his credit card number or anything like that. Trying not to overthink it, Bilbo finishes typing out his number and sends it off.

 

**Oakenshield: i’ll drop you a text and give you a ring presently. also i realise i actually never did this, so.**

**Oakenshield has invited you to join Exiles of Erebor! Accept Y/N?**

**You are now a member of Exiles of Erebor!**

 

Bilbo’s phone buzzes a short while later, and when he checks it there’s a new message waiting from an unfamiliar contact.

 

9:48

From: 020 7946 0899

Sign in to skype and let’s get going.

 

“Um. Hi?” Bilbo says once he has signed in. He’s trying to remember if he even has a desktop microphone installed when he hears someone clear their throat on the other end.

“Hello. Bilbo, yes?”

Oof. Deep, smooth, rumbling English baritone. The gritty online speech patterns are all starting to make sense to Bilbo, now. For some reason, he can very well imagine someone with that voice — tall, well-built, ruddy face, bushy beard — drunkenly cursing out an entire pub in downtown London and then some. The mental image makes him giggle before he can help himself.

“Is something funny?”

“No, not at all,” Bilbo says quickly. “It’s just… you sound much more different than I would’ve guessed, that’s all.”

A sigh filters through Bilbo’s speakers. "I’ll meet you at Minas Tirith and then we can teleport over.”

“I’m already somewhere about Gondor, it won’t take me too long to get there.”

“Fine. Wait for me when you’ve arrived, then.”

“Okay.”

The call goes silent. As Bilbo moves his character down the route leading to Minas Tirith, he saves Thorin’s number on his phone. Just in case.

 

***

 

Work is work, but Mondays are Mondays, and while Bilbo understands this very well, what he doesn’t is how a professor can misplace an entire folio of references painstakingly mined from JSTOR over two and a half weeks in a single weekend. It’s a good thing Bilbo has the data from old emails sent in his correspondence with the offending academic, but retrieving the references he’s sent will still take quite some time, and considering this is the same professor who insisted on revising said folio five times before making the final compilation, Bilbo thinks he’s allowed to be annoyed about the situation as a whole.

Things are made worse by the head librarian being phoned out to another university site on an errand, and with the senior librarian having called in sick, Bilbo’s left to attend the front desk on his own, which ordinarily shouldn’t be an issue because he’s done it several times before. The only problem is that the impending deadline week for individual faculty theses has saturated the main library with students, and it’s difficult to get any of his work done when he’s being asked where to find this book and that journal every other minute.

Noon cannot come soon enough. Lunchtime thins out the library crowd for the time being, just a little, but Bilbo’s desperate enough to take whatever breathing space he can get. Once he’s halfway through with reconstructing his list of references, he minimises his email window with a groan and rests his forehead on the desk in front of him, more tired that he remembers being at work as of late. At least there won’t be any grinding later, which means he could just take it easy after knocking off, maybe catch an early night.

It also means he won’t get to chat with Thorin today, or his in-game character, rather.

Then again, Bilbo does have his number, so there’s that.

He fishes his phone out of his pocket and scrolls down his contact list to the O’s, and after a while presses the speech bubble icon.

 

12:09

Compose New Message

To: Thorin Oakenshield

 

Bilbo stares at the blinking cursor, realising that he doesn’t actually know what he wants to say. They’ve never once talked about anything that’s not to do with the game, which theoretically should make regular conversation an open affair, but Bilbo still finds himself hesitating.

_Hi,_ he types and erases. _Good afternoon._ Same thing. _What are you doing right now_ — god, sounds like he’s talking to a phone sex operator, strike from record immediately.

Eventually, he goes with:

 

12:13

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Bored at work, so I just thought I’d say hello.

 

Seems innocuous enough. As it stands, Thorin may not even text back.

His phone buzzes a message alert approximately four minutes and thirty-seven seconds later.

 

12:18

From: Thorin Oakenshield

I take it that work’s not keeping you exquisitely busy at the moment

 

Bilbo grins, then slowly types a reply.

 

12:19

To: Thorin Oakenshield

It’s lunchtime, so there’s not as much to get done. I don’t suppose you’re in-game right now, are you?

 

Less than a minute later:

 

12:20

From: Thorin Oakenshield

No. Working all day today and tomorrow.

 

So that’s why they’re not playing until Wednesday. Figures.

 

12:20

To: Thorin Oakenshield

And here I thought you were giving us four days off out of the kindness of your heart. Shame. D:

 

12:21

From: Thorin Oakenshield

I got an urgent notice last night. I don’t normally come in for work at all.

 

12:22

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Ooh, really? Wish I could have a job like yours.

 

12:23

From: Thorin Oakenshield

You really don’t.

 

A clack and the sound of trickling fluid draws Bilbo’s attention to the fact that a student has just spilt the contents of a McDonald’s cup all over one of the study desks. Stink-eyeing the student for several seconds drives him off, presumably to get paper towels from the toilets. Bilbo mutters to himself and returns to his phone.

 

12:25

To: Thorin Oakenshield

What do you work as?

 

12:26

From: Thorin Oakenshield

Management.

 

12:27

To: Thorin Oakenshield

What, like a supervisor? Or a CEO?

 

12:27

From: Thorin Oakenshield

Something like that.

 

That’s… impressive, even if it is a bit odd that anyone with that illustrious of a career would spend as much time and effort gaming as Thorin does. Bosses need hobbies to take the edge off too, Bilbo supposes.

 

12:29

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Do the rest of them work with you, then? The party, I mean.

 

12:31

From: Thorin Oakenshield

Most. My nephews are still in university.

 

12:34

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Wow. Finals week is coming, you know. You will be letting them off the hook for some time, yeah?

 

12:37

From: Thorin Oakenshield

If possible. That depends on whether we can get enough party members and how quickly we get you to level 67 this week.

 

12:38

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Good grief. My Middle Earth character level is NOT more important than your own nephews’ university educations, okay?

 

12:40

From: Thorin Oakenshield

If you say so.

 

12:40

To: Thorin Oakenshield

I’m serious. Don’t.

 

12:42

From: Thorin Oakenshield

Fine.

 

Bilbo feels relieved and just that little more pleased with himself for averting what could have been a life-changing crisis. Or crises, as case may be.

 

12:43

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Thank you. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.

 

There’s no response to this for a relatively long while. Bilbo watches his phone for five more silent minutes before he starts to fidget in his seat. Does this mean Thorin’s finished talking to him? If so, would it be irritating to say something else? Or Thorin could just be busy, as managers often are, and will reply later when he has the time to, just not now.

What Bilbo would give for a sixth sense when it came to these things…

The screen of his phone lights up. He very nearly knocks his coffee off the table scrambling to check it.

 

12:50

From: Thorin Oakenshield

They do. They send their thanks.

 

Bilbo’s stomach loosens. It’s possibly the lightest he’s felt all day.

 

12:52

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Good to hear. Say, I’m not bothering you, am I? You don’t have to keep texting back if you’re busy.

 

12:52

From: Thorin Oakenshield

It’s fine.

 

12:53

To: Thorin Oakenshield

So… that means you’re busy, then? I should probably stop texting now.

 

12:55

From: Thorin Oakenshield

I said it’s fine.

 

Fine. Totally fine. Bilbo doesn’t really know what that’s supposed to mean either. Thorin doesn't mind chatting with him even though he's busy, which is… rather nice of him, actually.

 

12:56

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Okay. I actually meant to ask about this earlier, but I don’t suppose you live in London, do you?

 

12:56

From: Thorin Oakenshield

Yes. Why?

 

12:57

To: Thorin Oakenshield

Well, I was thinking we should do something one of these days.

 

12:58

From: Thorin Oakenshield

What do you have in mind?

 

12:59

To: Thorin Oakenshield

I don’t know. Coffee? Pub? LAN cafe?

 

13:01

From: Thorin Oakenshield

You mean like a date.

 

_NO,_ Bilbo types, but clears from his phone almost immediately when he scrolls back up their text conversation and has a good hard think about it. Okay, so sounding like the world’s most textbook attempt at a pickup wasn’t at all his intention, but truthfully speaking, he’s warming to the idea a fair bit himself now that it’s out there. Especially considering the last time he went out with anybody could be quantified in terms of Christmases ago, and the fact that Thorin’s this quick to get the point might also just mean he’s willing, so what’s the worst that could happen, really?

_A lot,_ a small voice at the back of Bilbo’s mind grumbles.

Still, though.

 

13:03

To: Thorin Oakenshield

I guess, if you’re happy with calling it that.

 

Bilbo puts his phone on silent after that and returns to sorting out his email, and even though it vibrates a few minutes after, he doesn’t check it until an hour later when the temptation becomes too much to resist.

 

13:07

From: Thorin Oakenshield

I’ll be more available after we’re finished getting the stone this month.

 

It’s not a yes, but, more importantly, neither is it a no. Bilbo smiles quietly but doesn’t reply, pocketing his phone, and later finds that he can’t get quite all that upset when he catches no less than three students with hot food hiding in the Scandinavian History section.


	5. Chapter 5

Sure enough, Thorin isn’t online on Tuesday when Bilbo signs in to kill a couple of minutes, but they’re all back at eight on Wednesday and resume their usual dungeon-running agenda until Bilbo’s reached level 70. That weekend, they transition from dungeons to chain-killing mobs, which doesn’t have as high a gold and item reward rate but gives slightly more experience, and is also more dangerous. It becomes pretty much impossible to continue babysitting Bilbo from then on out, and Thorin justifies this by arguing that it’s about time he starts pulling his own weight in the party now that he’s at a decent enough level, but really Bilbo just gets the feeling that Thorin wants him to be more involved with the group, a great deal of whom Bilbo still doesn’t know very well at all.

Not that he knows Thorin that much better than everyone else, but you don’t accidentally flirt with someone and think of your relationship with them as just that slightly more intimate.

It’s easy enough to keep track of Thorin’s nephews, Bladefail and Shoot2Swill, and the priest character, FruitKey, seems to take quite the liking to Bilbo after some time and lets it slip that he’s an EMT in real life, which Bilbo finds hilariously appropriate. The 1986, 1991 and 1993 Ri’s are brothers, as are SirChopalot and Ballinhard (Balin. Hard. Ha!). When he discovers yet another pair of brothers within their circle, they assure him that the inordinately high frequency of familial relations is entirely coincidental, an explanation he doesn’t entirely buy into but decides to drop anyway.

They’re in the Mirkwood on Saturday, a region that Thorin seems to dislike with great intensity without a clear reason, but they’re more likely to encounter swarms there than anywhere else, so they’ll do what needs to be done while they must, and Bilbo deduces from Thorin’s sourish temperament that it’s a question for another time.

The first swarms they encounter are made up of spiderlings, but once they’ve racked up a chain of fifty kills or so, the subsequent swarms begin to produce fully-matured arachnias that attack with sticky webs and a toxic bite. They deal with the poison bit fairly easy, each party member having loaded up on countervenom prior to coming at Thorin’s insistence, but the webs turn out to be a bigger hindrance than anyone expected.

 

**Oakenshield: wtf you missed the cast window for guardian angel, what gives?**

**FruitKey: Sorry, I can’t get within range in time, these webs keep slowing me down.**

**Ballinhard: Looks like they drain a fair bit of stamina on contact, too.**

**Oakenshield: can’t we get rid of them?**

**Mithrandir: Magic immunity lets you walk over them without being affected, it seems.**

**Oakenshield: ok. cast it on bombur so he can start pulling the mobs again. oin, can you dispel all this neg attack speed in the next five minutes?**

**Mithrandir: Cooldown in 10.**

**FruitKey: Already on it.**

**Oakenshield: we’ve currently at about eighty kills, so the brooding arachnia should spawn soon. bilbo, i’ll be sending you something in a sec.**

**BBTook: ??? What is it?**

 

**You have received items from Oakenshield! Accept Y/N?**

**You have received a mithril mail (flawless)!**

**You have received a Serpent’s Sting (flawless)!**

 

Bilbo blinks, first in disbelief, then surprise. He checks the equipment descriptions in turn just to make sure that he’s not read any of it incorrectly before he sends off a hasty private message to Thorin.

 

**BBTook [PM]: Thorin, are you sure?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: ? what’s wrong?**

**BBTook [PM]: The stuff you sent over — you’re alright with me having them?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: obviously. i wouldn’t have sent them otherwise. why do you ask?**

Why? Maybe it’s because the average player on Middle Earth don’t just randomly give away close to half a million gold in equipment to other people, that’s why. And that’s just the dagger in the equation — Bilbo’s not sure he wants to find out how much the mithril mail is priced on the community market.

But Thorin’s not your average Middle Earth player, Bilbo reminds himself. Far from it.

 

**BBTook [PM]: If you’re sure, then. Thanks!**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you can thank me by killing the chain monster when it shows up. equip the mith mail and use the active ability, it should give you magic immunity for twenty seconds.**

 

_And then what?_ Bilbo begins to type, but the pieces click into place as the chain monster materialises into existence. Under magic immunity and the concealing guise of invisibility in these circumstances, Bilbo’s just about the swiftest-moving party member with so many webs around, and adding the fact that he’s wielding a dagger with an absurdly overpowered critical hit modifier on top of that…

 

**BBTook lashes out! Sneak attack for 15x damage! Brooding Arachnia takes 1005 damage!**

 

Holy fucking shit.

His magic immunity expires close to when he also breaks invisibility outside of combat range, just in time for a wave of incredulity to pour in over the party chat, ending in a half-jesting, half-serious chant of _OP, OP, OP_ before Thorin gets round to shutting everyone up. Bilbo feels it’s a bit of a shame, considering he was thinking about joining in as well.

 

**Oakenshield [PM]: well done. it worked better than i thought it would.**

**BBTook [PM]: Thanks very much! But in all seriousness, if you want your gear back when all of this is over, I’d be happy to consider it a loan.**

**Oakenshield [PM] don’t bother. i meant to give them to you by the end of tonight anyway.**

**BBTook [PM]: What? Seriously?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: yes. this was as good as any a chance to try them out, so sorry about ruining the surprise, but that’s just how it is.**

 

Thorin was going to surprise him with an uber-powerful piece of armour and a upgraded version of the dagger he’s been wanting for months to boot. From a gamer’s point of view, even a casual one, Bilbo can’t help but find that… kind of cute, actually.

 

**BBTook [PM]: A surprise? What’s the occasion?**

**Oakenshield [PM]: no occasion. just to say thanks for your help and everything you’re doing for us.**

A warm feeling opens in Bilbo’s chest. As far as deeds go, this is one of the nicest things anyone’s done for him in a long while. Not counting last December when Drogo came down from Norfolk to spend Christmas with him and brought along Primula and little Frodo, it’s probably _the_ nicest thing.

 

**BBTook [PM]: Well, thanks again. I probably sound like a broken record but it’s all I have to say, really. No one’s ever been half as decent as you’ve been to me on here.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: you’re welcome. sorry i was a bit inhospitable at the beginning.**

 

Woah. If anything, this comes as more of a surprise than the mail and dagger combination gift. Thorin doesn’t apologise for _anything_ , not even in the rare instances in which he makes a mistake in-game or accidentally gets someone killed on his watch. He usually just shrugs it off or ignores it, even when it’s Mithrandir who’s losing his shit. Bilbo feels blown away by this, to say the least, and weirdly honoured.

 

**BBTook [PM]: Looks can be deceiving, don’t forget that. >:o**

**Oakenshield [PM[: indeed.**

**BBTook [PM]: That said, I’m sorry I thought you were a complete arse when we first met.**

**Oakenshield [PM]: …**

**BBTook [PM]: Oh, lighten up! I’m only joking!**

**BBTook [PM]: I thought you were half arse, half cock, actually~ XD**

 

Later, when he ends up dying to an entire spawn of greater arachnias that Thorin pulls in his direction, Bilbo is willing to bet anything that it’s no accident. Especially after Thorin flat-out denies it.

 

***

 

It takes another week for Bilbo to realise he’s been thinking about calling Thorin an awful lot as of late. They’ve only ever spoken to each other on Skype and since then Bilbo’s come close to phoning him on many occasions now that he has his number, but always stops himself at the last second. He’s not sure why, to be honest. It doesn’t seem like a bad idea, especially from what he knows of Thorin after playing with him and the fact that they still text each other on a semi-regular basis, but even so he’s not very sure how Thorin will take being phoned out of the blue, and Bilbo has a feeling it’s best to refrain from disturbing that particular hornet’s nest before they both have more time on their hands, even if it will take a few more weeks. Until then, he decides it’s probably expecting too much to hope for anything to come out of it.

Which is why when Bilbo’s browsing through Facebook in bed at ten to eleven after they’ve all logged out of the game for the night and his phone starts to ring, Thorin’s caller id lighting up the screen, he drops it flat on his face.

“Hello,” Bilbo blurts, sitting upright and wincing as he rubs his bruised nose.

There’s a pause. “Are you alright?” Thorin asks. Bilbo feels the tips of his ears heat. Sweet baby Jesus, that voice of his. “You sound like you’re in pain.”

“No, no, I’m fine. I, er. Just stubbed my toe on my desk.”

“So — you are in pain, then.”

_Damn it, Baggins. Keep your story straight._ Bilbo inhales through his mouth as quietly as he can, lets it out through his still-throbbing nose. “Um, yes. But it’s fine, I’m okay. Toe’s good, too. Nothing an amputation won’t cure.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Kidding,” Bilbo says quickly. “About cutting off my toe, I mean. Not the me being fine part. I was, um. Being funny, yeah?”

“Ah. I see."

“Mm.”

“Fine.”

Silence.

A motorbike blares past the street outside Bilbo’s flat.

Bilbo licks his lips and prays to get through the remainder of this phone call without sounding like a complete twat again.

“So, uh. You called?”

There’s a sigh. “Yes,” Thorin says, as if Bilbo’s the one who decided to place a call at eleven in the evening and leave the conversation hanging in the air like an out-of-place Christmas ornament.

Bilbo waits through the resulting silence for a few more seconds before he presses on. “Did… did I do something wrong?” They both know he means the game, of course. Safest thing to fall back on, and the most likely reason why Thorin’s called. “I thought I did okay, but — oh, bollocks, this is about that misclick for shadowbind on the treant matron just now, isn’t it? Look, it wasn’t on purpose, I swear, and I got it right the second time round —”

“No. You did well tonight, as always.”

As always. Now that the panic has faded, Bilbo feels the flush spread from his ears to his cheeks. It’s a very good thing they’re talking on the phone and not through video chat, he thinks. Though he’d very much like for the latter to happen one of these days, if just to finally place a face to the voice and online persona.

“That’s a relief. Here I thought you were going to say you’d found someone else and I’d been fired,” Bilbo jokes.

He hears a soft, amused chuckle on the other end, and blushes even harder. “I think you’re pretty much irreplaceable at this point,” Thorin says.

“Well, you say that, but no one’s really indispensable.”

“…you are.”

Bilbo looks at his phone, presses his ear back to it, and… can’t think of a reply to that, really.

“Oh. Er. Thank you?” he settles for, and wonders why he’s made it sound more like a question than anything else. “Is that why you called? To, um. To tell me that?”

Thorin clears his throat. “No. I just wanted to talk to you, that’s all.”

“Oh. Okay.” Bilbo’s voice is level enough for all the backflips that whatever’s inside his chest is performing. “Do you want to talk about anything in particular? Work’s been boring as usual, so you probably won’t want to hear about that.”

“Probably.”

Silence. Again.

This… this is not going very well. Calling Thorin would’ve been an absolute _disaster_ , Bilbo realises.

“Do you like tea?”

The sudden question startles Bilbo from his thoughts. “Um, yes. I love tea, actually,” he says, thankful for having something to talk about at length. “Earl Grey’s my favourite, hands down. Jasmine green isn’t half bad too, but I prefer my teas black. I mean, it’s hard to mess up a decent Darjeeling if you’ve got an inkling of what you’re doing, barring if you get all steep-happy with it, anyway —”

"Let’s have tea.”

Bilbo stops. “Eh?”

“When we see each other, let’s have tea,” Thorin repeats, so unbelievably casual that it leaves Bilbo a little envious of him even in his state of shock. “I’m not too sure where we could go, but you could probably suggest a place or two.”

“Uh.” He has a rather long list, as a mater of fact, but it’s difficult to pin down any one location with certainty when he’s a hair’s breadth away from freaking the absolute fuck out. “Costa’s?”

Thorin makes a disparaging noise. “Somewhere you actually want to go.”

“Right. Sorry.” Could he sound like any more of an idiot? Bilbo takes a moment to really, just _really_ get his thoughts together before he opens his mouth again. “Now that I think about it, there’s a pretty good shop in Soho, but I don’t know if it’ll be your type of place—”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Oh? A — alright.”

“That’s set, then.”

“Yes. Good.”

“Good,” Thorin agrees.

He doesn’t hang up the phone.

Sometimes Bilbo wonders if Thorin thrives on awkward silences, honestly. He’s certainly good at drifting through them without obvious consequence.

Phone still pressed to his ear, he hesitates, unsure if he’s supposed to say anything else. He finds it peculiar enough that Thorin thought it prudent to settle the location of their date — or not-date, friendly meet-up, whatever have you — on a night way before it actually takes place, and would rather not contribute anything that could possibly make this stranger, thanks very much.

But at the same time, he can’t just _not_ say anything, because Thorin’s still on the line and that means Bilbo’s obliged to engage him for some reason. Perhaps he could point out the fact that they haven’t set a day or time yet? Or would that be too pushy? He elects not to even though it’s pretty much all he has, apart from the alternative of hanging up on his end and then hiding under his desk for a million years.

“So, er. Was there anything else?” Bilbo asks.

He hears Thorin hum, like he’s deep in thought. “No, I don’t believe so.”

“Okay. Erm, good night, then.”

“Good night, Bilbo.”

The call does end there, but Bilbo keeps listening for several seconds more to be sure that they haven’t just lapsed into another one of Thorin’s many silences. When it becomes clear that they’re done for real and there’s not going to be another call, Bilbo clutches his phone against his chest and throws himself backwards onto his bed with a sigh, spreading his arms over the sheets as he stares at his ceiling, feeling confused and oddly contented at the same time.

 

***

 

The problem is that he has no idea how to parse this.

Thorin called him just because he wanted to talk, which could be written off as a friendly gesture, but could also very well mean something else entirely different. No matter how hard he tries, Bilbo can’t stop himself reading into it. And it’s not just the call that speaks volumes to him — their texting, the in-game gifts, Thorin being all-round nicer to him than anyone else in the party, all of which feed into a conclusion that Bilbo reaches in about two seconds but violently shakes off the instant it occurs to him.

Thorin likes him, that much is obvious. But in that way? Enough to risk raking them both through an awkward call in the middle of the night? It feels overly presumptuous to put it down to that.

And, well. He hasn’t even met the man yet, so it’s not as though Bilbo likes him back in that way either, right?

…right?


End file.
